God, I thank you for this day. I know I have not accomplished all you expect of me, and that is the reason for bathing me in the fresh dew of another dawn, i am most grateful. I am prepared at last to make you proud of me.
My success does not depend on straining to see what looks dimly on the horizon, but to do today what clearly lies at hand.I will treasure this for it is all I have.I know that it's rushing hours cannot be accumulated or stored like precious grain for future use.
I will live this day as if it were Christmas.I will be the giver of gifts and I will deliver to enemies, the gift of forgiveness, to all my opponents, tolerance, my friends, a smile, my children, a good example...and every gift will be wrapped with unconditional love.I will not even waste a precious second today, in anger or hate or jealousy or selfishness.
I will work this day with all my strength, content in the knowledge that life does not consist of wallowing in the past or peering anxiously into the future.
Whatever it offers, a little or much, my life is now. I will pause whenever I am feeling sorry for myself today, and remember that this is the only day I have and must play it to it's fullest.I will count this day a separate life and remember that those who have the fewest regrets are those who take each moment as it comes for all that it is worth.
This is my day, these are my seeds.
Thank you God, for this precious Garden of Time.
Monday, March 15, 2010
May's Story
May, (the name she requested I use when I got my book going)knew that she was fighting a losing battle when she first came to see me at my clinic. We became closer and closer in our relationship with each other and she was able to express her feelings openly and honestly with herself and with me. This led her to forming her own opinions about what she wanted in her course of treatments and how she wanted to manage her treatments and her life. She was always so strong and knew the path that she was following.She had a caring support system from her husband and her family but she often felt she couldn't openly express her wishes, for fear of hurting or upsetting one of the family members...so I was the rubber ball in her life!She always knew that I was going to write a little about her in my book one day and she asked me to use her "other" name for that purpose.Here is May's story as she told it to me....
" I first noticed changing bowel movements,intermittent diarrhoea and an ongoing bloated feeling.Whatever I did or whatever medication I took, never relieved that bloatedness.This is when I first started thinking that I may have cancer of the colon.After consulting with my doctor, I went into hospital and had a colonoscopy and they found nothing! They couldn't find it.There after, I had a laporoscopy as the symptoms never seemed to ease and they found it in the ovaries.The oncologist consulted with the surgeon and they had a huge argument as the surgeon wanted to remove my ovaries immediately and the oncologist felt we needed to start chemotherapy first.It was at this stage that the surgeon told me I had six months to live.............I was devastated!"
"The oncologist got his way, I had three months of chemo, then radium and later had my ovaries removed."
This was the start of a three year battle against cancer for May and the cancer won in the end.She had intermittent chemo over this time but during her last year, she decided enough was enough.
May started looking at alternate methods and options available to her to improve her quality of life as she was so tired of feeling ill all the time,having no energy, battling with her speech and having no constructive thought process which used to drive her dilly!All she wanted was some quiet and wellness again.
During MAys journey, her family were incredibly supportive and understanding and went along with her to support groups and talks. Her dear husband spent hours on the internet, importing teas and potions for her to try. He so desperately wanted to find one thing that made her feel better again.Her favourite story which she told endlessly and which we used to giggle merthlessly about was some tea or potion that her hubby had ordered from oversease for her. She didn't want to hurt his feelings so used to pretend every day that she had drunk it.But, in fact, spent every day dumping it unceremoniously in the plant near her! And the plant lived. She got such great joy over this little ritual every day!
In MAys last year, her bloating got progressively worse and her tumour count rose substantially.She toyed with having chemo again for a short while and then opted out.Her short term memory kept failing her and her speech got increasingly worse.
May was laid to rest in the April of 2002 and is sadly missed by all who were priveleged to have known her, she was a wonderful woman, who had so much to give, a real angel on earth.
" I first noticed changing bowel movements,intermittent diarrhoea and an ongoing bloated feeling.Whatever I did or whatever medication I took, never relieved that bloatedness.This is when I first started thinking that I may have cancer of the colon.After consulting with my doctor, I went into hospital and had a colonoscopy and they found nothing! They couldn't find it.There after, I had a laporoscopy as the symptoms never seemed to ease and they found it in the ovaries.The oncologist consulted with the surgeon and they had a huge argument as the surgeon wanted to remove my ovaries immediately and the oncologist felt we needed to start chemotherapy first.It was at this stage that the surgeon told me I had six months to live.............I was devastated!"
"The oncologist got his way, I had three months of chemo, then radium and later had my ovaries removed."
This was the start of a three year battle against cancer for May and the cancer won in the end.She had intermittent chemo over this time but during her last year, she decided enough was enough.
May started looking at alternate methods and options available to her to improve her quality of life as she was so tired of feeling ill all the time,having no energy, battling with her speech and having no constructive thought process which used to drive her dilly!All she wanted was some quiet and wellness again.
During MAys journey, her family were incredibly supportive and understanding and went along with her to support groups and talks. Her dear husband spent hours on the internet, importing teas and potions for her to try. He so desperately wanted to find one thing that made her feel better again.Her favourite story which she told endlessly and which we used to giggle merthlessly about was some tea or potion that her hubby had ordered from oversease for her. She didn't want to hurt his feelings so used to pretend every day that she had drunk it.But, in fact, spent every day dumping it unceremoniously in the plant near her! And the plant lived. She got such great joy over this little ritual every day!
In MAys last year, her bloating got progressively worse and her tumour count rose substantially.She toyed with having chemo again for a short while and then opted out.Her short term memory kept failing her and her speech got increasingly worse.
May was laid to rest in the April of 2002 and is sadly missed by all who were priveleged to have known her, she was a wonderful woman, who had so much to give, a real angel on earth.
Friday, March 12, 2010
The Night before Surgery
The time between diagnosis and your operation (if you are scheduled for one), is normally very short and you can be whisked away within 12-24 hours. Most of you will find that outwardly, you are calm and together and in numb shock inside.You will have bouts of crying which come on suddenly especially when you are with loved ones and friends, who are offering you love and support.You may find that your loved one is battling more than you emotionally and may even display denial at the diagnosis. Often a spouse will wait until post-op and the diagnosis is confirmed surgically, before coming to terms with the news.He or she may only start talking about it at this stage.This is a common form of denial and is a perfectly normal response.Allow them their time too.
The night before the operation will be a jumble of questions and answers. try and relax as much as possible and take a painkiller or sedative if necessary. Take one day at a time - all your questions, hopes and doubts will be answered in due course.Try not to think too far ahead and concentrate on the moment. And remember, from the time of you operation, you are already on the road to recovery, albeit a long and rocky one...but you're one step closer.
If you find yourself pacing up and down in the wee hours of the morning prior to surgery, do whatever it takes to relax your mind, even if it means waking your spouse up for a rampant love session! Watch the dawn breaking and revel in the beauty of the world...smell it, taste it, feel it.
The trip to the hospital may be a little nerve wracking for you but you will find yourself in control at this time. You tend to talk about day to day stuff which is great as it gives you a sense of normality. The admittance to the ward is normally a routine procedure but a word of warning - if you share a ward and share your diagnosis with other patients, be prepare to hear some bizarre responses as people are ignorant and this may upset your delicate balance!
Carefully choose who you would like to partner you to the hospital and be with you in the ward... extended family members tend to become overpowering in their quest to help. You are in control and it is your choice to call the shots at all times. Stand firm in what you want and how you want it done.Your spouse can exercise a little control so that he feels empowered and able to assist.
Day one post-op, results from surgery,blood tests, biopsy results etc will be complete and your doctor will come in and discuss them with you.This is a roller coaster of a day as the effects of the anaesthetic and surgery takes their toll. You may feel weepy and unsure of the future.Remember to take one day at a time and all these emotions are normal and acceptable.Hearing a definite confirmation of the grade and type of cancer and stage it is at, is mind boggling even for the strongest person. Allow those emotions to flow. Your spouse may have turned a corner emotionally and is suddenly filled with positive aspects on how you will fight this and will be encouraging you.This is a good thing but at some stage, you need to address the negative emotions as well as this is a very important part of your journey towards a new future.
The night before the operation will be a jumble of questions and answers. try and relax as much as possible and take a painkiller or sedative if necessary. Take one day at a time - all your questions, hopes and doubts will be answered in due course.Try not to think too far ahead and concentrate on the moment. And remember, from the time of you operation, you are already on the road to recovery, albeit a long and rocky one...but you're one step closer.
If you find yourself pacing up and down in the wee hours of the morning prior to surgery, do whatever it takes to relax your mind, even if it means waking your spouse up for a rampant love session! Watch the dawn breaking and revel in the beauty of the world...smell it, taste it, feel it.
The trip to the hospital may be a little nerve wracking for you but you will find yourself in control at this time. You tend to talk about day to day stuff which is great as it gives you a sense of normality. The admittance to the ward is normally a routine procedure but a word of warning - if you share a ward and share your diagnosis with other patients, be prepare to hear some bizarre responses as people are ignorant and this may upset your delicate balance!
Carefully choose who you would like to partner you to the hospital and be with you in the ward... extended family members tend to become overpowering in their quest to help. You are in control and it is your choice to call the shots at all times. Stand firm in what you want and how you want it done.Your spouse can exercise a little control so that he feels empowered and able to assist.
Day one post-op, results from surgery,blood tests, biopsy results etc will be complete and your doctor will come in and discuss them with you.This is a roller coaster of a day as the effects of the anaesthetic and surgery takes their toll. You may feel weepy and unsure of the future.Remember to take one day at a time and all these emotions are normal and acceptable.Hearing a definite confirmation of the grade and type of cancer and stage it is at, is mind boggling even for the strongest person. Allow those emotions to flow. Your spouse may have turned a corner emotionally and is suddenly filled with positive aspects on how you will fight this and will be encouraging you.This is a good thing but at some stage, you need to address the negative emotions as well as this is a very important part of your journey towards a new future.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Follow my blog from the bottom up or you'll get really confused!!
The Beginning cont; Try not to take her attitude personally - I know that it is easier said than done as you are so vulnerable at this stage but staff do have bad days and it's awful when you think they are not handling you and your disease with the same kind of urgency as you are.
This journey you are about to embark on is about you and your body. Hold those reins tightly in your hands and have the courage , to choose your course freely, in your own time and change it as often as you see fit.
When you see the doctor or oncologist,there will be a multitude of questions you want to ask. Before the appointment, write them down so that you can address each and every one.
Some questions you may want to ask;
1. What kind of cancer do I have and what is it called?
2.Where is it and will I get better?
3.What does the treatment involve, how long will it take and will it hurt?
4.Will I feel ill on the treatment?
5.Will I lose my hair, will it change how I feel or behave?
6.How often do I receive treatment?
7.Where do I go for treatment, can I drive myself/
8. Do I need to change my diet?
Add any other questions you think of to your list.
This journey you are about to embark on is about you and your body. Hold those reins tightly in your hands and have the courage , to choose your course freely, in your own time and change it as often as you see fit.
When you see the doctor or oncologist,there will be a multitude of questions you want to ask. Before the appointment, write them down so that you can address each and every one.
Some questions you may want to ask;
1. What kind of cancer do I have and what is it called?
2.Where is it and will I get better?
3.What does the treatment involve, how long will it take and will it hurt?
4.Will I feel ill on the treatment?
5.Will I lose my hair, will it change how I feel or behave?
6.How often do I receive treatment?
7.Where do I go for treatment, can I drive myself/
8. Do I need to change my diet?
Add any other questions you think of to your list.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Once the news begins to sink in, and before you embark on the next part of your journey,always remember that you have the power of choice. Choice empowers you to make decisions which will best suite you and which will make you feel most comfortable and at ease.Almost everyone you turn to will have their own opinion on what you should or shouldn't do and who you should and shouldn't see, but remember, the choice is yours.This is your body that is about to be invaded by everything alien and toxic and you need to at least feel comfortable with your choice of surgeon and oncologist.
As most people end up having surgery of some kind,take time to choose the surgeon and oncologist you want, as your relationship with them will be a long one and it is imperative that you feel comfortable with them and that you can relate to them and they to you.The first person you will see after your diagnosis will most likely be your oncologist.You may be sent to him directly or you may be asked to make the appointment yourself.This will lead you into the next phase of understanding exactly what type of cancer you have, the type of treatment necessary to treat it and the duration of your treatment.If you are told to phone the oncologists rooms and make the appointment yourself, the girls on the phone are normally very understanding and helpful, but occasionally you may get one on a bad day and you may get very upset if her attitude is all wrong.
As most people end up having surgery of some kind,take time to choose the surgeon and oncologist you want, as your relationship with them will be a long one and it is imperative that you feel comfortable with them and that you can relate to them and they to you.The first person you will see after your diagnosis will most likely be your oncologist.You may be sent to him directly or you may be asked to make the appointment yourself.This will lead you into the next phase of understanding exactly what type of cancer you have, the type of treatment necessary to treat it and the duration of your treatment.If you are told to phone the oncologists rooms and make the appointment yourself, the girls on the phone are normally very understanding and helpful, but occasionally you may get one on a bad day and you may get very upset if her attitude is all wrong.
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